The United Kingdom, or rather Britain, once stood as the most powerful imperialist nation the world had ever seen, dominating the entire globe and filling each Briton with a profound sense of pride and glory in their amazing nation. Even after the dissolution of its vast empire, Britain remained an economic juggernaut, bolstered by its stable politics, tremendous global influence, and strategic geographical position as a hub for trade and commerce.

In fact, even after the collapse of its imperial might, Britain found itself in a remarkably stable position for nearly an entire century - one hundred years of relative prosperity and economic strength. However, that stability and prosperity has now given way to a troubling descent. Those days of grandeur and stability now seem but a distant memory, and the UK finds itself teetering on the very edge of a steep cliff of decline. From the pinnacles of power to the humblest of homes, the signs of our nation's economic erosion are unmistakable. The sun appears to be slowly setting on the British Empire, and it is a bitter reality that demands our greatest attention and urgent action.

In this speech, I will speak in depth about what I believe to be the economic demise of the United Kingdom - a descent that threatens to undermine the very foundations upon which our nation was built. So, what happened? What caused this once-mighty nation to find itself in such a precarious position?

Like an ever-growing tumour, the cancer of economic demise has expanded, spreading its tentacles into every aspect of our society. We stand at crossroads, faced with only two choices: to surrender to the forces of decay, or to rise within the fires of adversity.

London, the world's second financial city (and it is very disappointing to see that we aren't the first anymore), should be a beacon of prosperity. Yet within its glittering skyline lies a stark divide, an abyss of inequality that widens with each passing day. The statistics don't lie: the tiny, top 10% of Londoners hold a massive 44.3% of the city's total net wealth, while the rest scramble for crumbs. And where in London do you think this top 10% are? No, its not South Kensington. Its actually the one square mile of tiny land called the City of London. Not “London”, but “THE CITY of London”.

But it's not just the City - the affluent enclaves of Canary Wharf and South Kensington also house a significant portion of this top 10%. Canary Wharf, what used to be a massive pile of unattractive industrial poo, is now the gleaming financial district on the Isle of Dogs, and it is packed with the offices of global banks and financial firms, attracting a highly-paid professional class. And in the leafy, museum-filled streets of South Kensington, you'll find the palatial townhouses and luxury flats of London's old money and new tech fortunes.

While the majority of Londoners scrape by taking aesthetic pictures on Snapchat, wishing to be part of the rich, this tiny sliver at the top enjoys unimaginable wealth and privilege, insulated from the realities facing the rest of the city. It's a stark portrait of inequality, where the spoils of London's success are hoarded by the few rather than shared in a fair and impartial manner. The numbers don't lie - this is the true face of wealth and power in the capital.

But the disparity extends far beyond the capital's boundaries. Venture outside London, and you'll find entire regions mired in economic stagnation, relics of a bygone era, forgotten by regular people. This grotesque imbalance is a stain on our nation's conscience and a threat to our collective well-being.

According to the Office for National Statistics, the UK's regional economic divide is the highest among G7 nations, with London and the South East accounting for a staggering 40% of the country's total economic output. This stark contrast is a damning accusation of our failure to foster inclusive growth and equitable development.
(sarcasm) But, on a… so called “plus” side, it means that the South is better than the North.
I don't even need to start talking about (sarcastic disgust) Birmingham or Manchester…

The harsh reality is that the United Kingdom has been trapped in a prolonged period of economic stagnation for nearly two, entire decades. While real wages grew by a robust and reasonable 33% in the decade from 1970 to 2007, they have since "flatlined", costing the average worker a staggering £10,700 per year in lost wage growth.

This toxic combination of low growth and high inequality has left typical households in Britain a shocking 10% poorer than their peers in countries like France and Germany. In fact, the poorest fifth of UK households are now a staggering 20% worse off than their counterparts across the Channel.

The numbers are truly devastating. Over the past 15 years, the UK's productivity growth has languished at half the rate seen across other advanced economies, placing us in the BOTTOM 10% of OECD countries in terms of business investment?!?!?! - a deficit that has cost our economy a crippling five… percent… of… GDP.

Worse still, an entire generation of young workers, some 9 million strong, have never experienced an economy with sustained average wage rises. This lost decade of opportunity has left the typical UK household £8,300 worse off compared to similar households in France and Germany. And it also entices British citizens to just… give up and leave our country because a different country offers them something better!

These are not just random numbers, but a damning indictment of our nation's economic performance. While our European neighbours have forged ahead, we have languished in a marsh of stagnation, our once-proud economic might reduced to a shadow of its former self.

The time has come to confront this harsh reality head-on, to acknowledge the failures of the past and chart a bold new course towards prosperity. For the sake of our youth, your future children, our families, and the very future of our nation, we must act now to revive the economic engine that once made the United Kingdom the envy of the world.

The revolving door of prime ministers - Theresa May, Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, and now Rishi Sunak - has left us dizzy with disappointment, their tenures marked by chaos and unfulfilled vows.
Liz Truss's ill-fated mini-budget, in particular, was a harbinger of doom, a reckless gamble that sent shockwaves through our already fragile economy, wiping out £30 billion from the nation's pension funds in a single day.

And let us not forget the insidious influence of money in politics. Major corporations "donate" vast sums to political parties, a thinly veiled attempt to sway decision-making and policies in their favour. In the 2019 general election alone, the Conservative Party received a staggering £16.5 million in donations from just 10 wealthy individuals and organisations, raising serious questions about the integrity of what we believe to be our democratic process.

Perhaps the most egregious betrayal lies in the broken promises of Brexit. We were assured that leaving the European Union would usher in a new era of prosperity, with £350 million per week redirected to the National Health Service. Yet today, the NHS teeters on the brink of collapse, its waiting times the worst in living memory, and the spectre of privatisation looming ever closer.

In my last years' speech, I highlighted the scourge of tax evasion and its corrosive effects on our society. The hypocrisy of our leaders is a bitter pill to swallow, as those who claim to combat tax evasion are often the very ones engaging in it, exploiting loopholes and legal technicalities to line their pockets.

Rishi Sunak's wife's non-dom status is a glaring example, a slap in the face to hardworking citizens who dutifully pay their share.
Private schools, earning billions annually, evade taxes by exploiting charitable status loopholes, depriving our nation of vital funds that could transform our education and healthcare systems. (sarcastically) That's not very charitable of them, is it?!

However, I failed to mention a crucial aspect of tax evasion in the UK - the blatant avoidance tactics employed by major corporations, and even British banks. Companies like Tesco's and Sainsbury's are registered in offshore tax havens like the Cayman Islands, Jersey, and Gibraltar, allowing them to shirk their responsibilities and deprive the UK of much-needed tax revenue.

(surprised) Even our own financial institutions, the very institutions that are meant to uphold the integrity of our economy, are complicit in this betrayal. NatWest, my bank for example, is registered in Gibraltar, hiding behind the facade of a small branch in an offshore British territory to evade taxes that should rightfully be paid to the British government.

The reality is stark, yet the average Briton remains largely unaware of the extent to which their own country is being undermined by these corporate and financial schemes, so they even indirectly support it unassumingly!

HMRC may "estimate" that the UK loses around ONLY £39.8 billion annually to tax evasion, but given the scale of the problem, I strongly suspect the true figure is well into the trillions.

As I stated then, tax evasion is not just a financial issue but a moral one, threatening the very fabric of our society. It widens the dystopian gap between the rich and the poor, creating an uneven playing field and straining the resources upon which we all rely. There are all funds that could have been invested in our crumbling infrastructure, our struggling healthcare system, and our underfunded education sector.

But the economic demise of our nation extends beyond political failures and financial misdeeds. It manifests in the struggles of our youth, the very future of our country. They toil endlessly, pouring their meagre earnings into EXORBITANT rents, their dreams of home ownership being a distant fantasy.

Aging infrastructure and bleak living conditions breed despair and unproductivity, a vicious cycle that threatens to consume an entire generation. According to a recent study by the Prince's Trust, a staggering 41% of young people in the UK experience regular bouts of loneliness and poor mental health, a harrowing statistic that underscores the urgency of our situation. That is almost half of this entire room!

This crisis of productivity and well-being among our youth has far-reaching consequences. A report by the Confederation of British Industry warns that if left unaddressed, the UK's productivity gap with its G7 counterparts could cost the economy a staggering £109 billion (yes, repeat it) annually by 2030, a devastating blow to our nation's economic prospects.

Compounding these challenges is our welfare system, once a beacon of hope for the less fortunate, but now a crutch for the indolent, a drain on our resources that incentivises laziness and discourages ambition. While other European nations foster a culture of self-reliance and productivity, we wallow in a sea of complacency, laziness, lack of effort, and we are content to subsidise the idle at the expense of the industrious.

The numbers speak for themselves: in 2022, the UK government spent a staggering £112 billion on welfare benefits, a figure that has risen by nearly 30% in the past decade. This unsustainable trajectory threatens to cripple our economy and stifle the very innovation and entrepreneurship that once made our nation great.

Yet, the true cost of our welfare system extends beyond mere financial figures. It perpetuates a cycle of dependency and erodes the very fabric of our society, undermining the values of hard work, self-sufficiency, and personal responsibility that have long been the bedrock of our nation's success.

Now, wait a moment. (pause, 3 seconds) What is this man in front of you babbling on about the British economy? Isn't a third world war on the very brink of starting? Aren't we in the midst of an energy crisis and a cost-of-living crisis that threatens to plunge us into the depths of despair?

Well, let us take a slight step back and look at the events that unfolded just before the primary war in Eastern Europe began between Russia and Ukraine. You see, the so-called "energy crisis" was merely an over exaggeration, another prime example of corporate greed, the relentless pursuit of profit, and some smart covering up of bad tracks politically.

According to a report released by the UK's own publishing office in 2019, a mere 8% of our energy was imported, and of that 8%, only 13% came from Russia. (slowly) That's a paltry 0.0104% of our entire energy supply reliant on Russian sources. (slowly) Yes, zero point zero one percent. The truth is, we were never truly in an energy crisis, because we basically didn't rely on Russia at all unlike other European countries. - it was simply a political facade, a social manipulation tactic to make people feel it was acceptable to pay more, simply because "times are desperate." In fact, the very same countries that had a huge reliance on Russian gas for energy generation are also the ones who are now the world's leading innovators in alternative energy sources, showing tremendous growth and ambition.

And what of the lockdowns, you ask? Surely, they must have crippled our economy and left us in shambles. Well, the reality is quite the opposite. While the rest of Europe prospered and ramped up their recovery, we in the UK took a full two years to so-called "recover" from the effects of lockdown. In fact, there are still some companies that are still using coronavirus as an excuse for pretty much anything! I'm sure your teachers wouldn't let you skimp on homework because the pandemic still somehow affects you in 2024. And let's not forget the irony of our own prime minister hosting a raucous party in his home, even as he demanded that the entire country "shut up and get on with their lives at home."

So, as you sit here, contemplating the state of our nation, I urge you to cast aside the distractions and focus on the true, underlying issues that plague our economic landscape. For it is only by confronting these challenges head-on that we can chart a course towards a brighter future.

Everybody, the economic demise of the United Kingdom is not a mere spectre, but a harsh reality that confronts us at every turn, and at every minute. Even right now as we sit in this classroom. From the corridors of power to the streets of our cities, the signs are unmistakable, a loud and clear call that demands action, resolve, and a collective commitment to reclaim our former glory.

We must hold our leaders accountable, demand transparency and integrity, and reject the empty promises that have led us astray. We must foster a culture of innovation and productivity, nurturing our youth and empowering them to shape a brighter future.

And above all, we must reject the divisions that have plagued our society, the toxic inequality that threatens to tear us apart. For it is only through unity, through a shared vision of prosperity and justice, that we can rise from the ashes and reclaim our rightful place among the economic titans of the world.

Of course, the sun will set on the United Kingdom, and we will no longer take up the entire Earth. The path ahead will be arduous, but the alternative is absolutely unthinkable. We are the inheritors of a proud legacy, a nation that once stood tall and commanded respect on the global stage. It is time to reclaim that mantle, to cast off the shackles of complacency and embrace the bold, decisive action that will restore our economic might.
The choice is ours, Britons. Will we succumb to the forces of decay, or will we rise through the fires of adversity? The future of our great nation hangs in the balance, and the weight of history rests upon our shoulders.

In this pivotal moment, I call upon you to tap into the wellspring of resilience that has defined our nation throughout the ages. You can harness power of unity, the strength of our collective will, and you have the unwavering determination that has carried us through even the darkest of times.

The time for action is now. The future awaits, and it is ours to shape. Let us seize this moment, and together, we shall emerge victorious, a beacon of hope and prosperity for generations to come. The economic demise of our country isn't our destiny, but rather a challenge to be conquered.

Thank You.